Going through a divorce, people have many worries and fears. How to cope with divorce and its consequences? How will the kids deal with it? How do you handle all the household and financial duties? And finally, how does living alone after divorce feel like?
One thing we know for sure is that it is completely fine to be scared of divorce and the inevitable solitude that comes with it. Marriage dissolution is one of the most devastating events in a person’s life. Every individual who experienced it would tell you that feeling lonely after divorce is normal. Why don’t you use this time to ponder over your life and discover your new self? Perhaps, after that, you will see new horizons opened up for you!
So, if you are divorced and lonely, read this article to find out some useful tips on how to accept your new life situation and start enjoying it!
Table of Contents
Don’t Be Afraid to Be Alone
People who are struggling with changes often ask how to accept divorce and the fact that you are all on your own now. Mental health experts offer various coping strategies:
- Do not suppress your feelings. Let yourself cry and grieve about this situation. Recognizing that you feel pain and sorrow is a path to successful healing. After all, a heart that hurts is a heart that works.
- Seek the support from friends and family. It is always easier to live through a hard period when you have someone who can share your pain.
- Do not shut yourself out from the world. In fact, this piece of advice is related to the previous one. Do not skip family gatherings or going out with friends. Suffering on your own is the worst thing you can do for yourself at this point in your life.
- Take care of yourself. It is important not to forget about your physical and mental health during this hard time since it can only aggravate your situation and make you feel even more depressed.
- Stop living in the past. It may seem like the hardest tip so far, but you need to concentrate on your current feelings and events that take place right now, not yesterday or tomorrow. Eventually, you’ll definitely get better and start seeing positive moments in your present life!
One of the most common reasons why people refuse to end their marriage, even though it is what they truly need, is that they are extremely afraid to feel lonely after divorce. Moreover, in some societies, loneliness is often stigmatized, a factor that makes people stay in the marriage despite their will. Women and men (unfortunately, mostly women) may have a misconception that a lonely person is somehow inferior, therefore holding on to relationships by all means.
If you want a divorce but are scared of being alone, you need to realize that it may be better to be lonely for some time but feel calm and fulfilled rather than to be miserable in a toxic relationship. And it’s totally OK to be alone! Turn your feeling of loneliness into your strength and perceive it as a great opportunity to discover your true self and find the answers to all your questions. It may seem like a crazy idea now, but, in fact, your loneliness can be beneficial for you:
- You will finally have more time for yourself, your wellness, hobby, work, etc. Having enough time for your own problems, plans, and dreams will definitely add you value in your own eyes.
- You can do things you could not do before for some reason, especially if you had a toxic marriage.
- Being alone for some time will help you recharge and regain enough inner resources to start a new period of your life.
- If you have been traumatized after your relationship, a period of loneliness will help you rebuild trust in people and the world around you.
- It may sound paradoxical, but your solitude will teach you how to be alone. As long as you learn to handle your loneliness and take advantage of it, you will see your life changing for the better.
Of course, it sounds easier said than done. Still, if you work towards accepting your divorce and solitude, eventually, you will feel better and more confident with your feelings of loneliness.
Useful Tips for Post-Divorce Period
Now that you know how to be alone after divorce and how to accept divorce when you don’t want it, it’s time to get acquainted with some practical advice on what to do to go through this period as painlessly as possible.
Of course, every person reacts to stressful events in their life differently: some prefer seeking comfort in things and people they love, while others just need some time to grieve on their own and do nothing at all. So, if you belong to the second kind, do not push yourself too hard. Take some time to heal, and when you are ready, you can finally act.
So, how to deal with divorce and start enjoying your life again? Try these simple yet great tips:
- Find New Friends and Keep in Touch with the Old Ones
It’s pretty obvious that staying single after divorce brings the feeling of loneliness. However, it is important not to close off from the world during this period. You are extremely vulnerable at this point in your life, but the truth is that the best emotional support for divorce comes from people.
Maybe it’s time to accept the invitation from your teammates for Friday bar-hopping. Or perhaps you used to have small talks with a lady from a yoga class who would be happy to have a cup of coffee after the session. New friends will definitely bring something nice and fresh into your life.
Maintaining old connections is also essential. After all, as the saying goes, old friends and old wine are best. So, if you haven’t contacted your friends for a while, even though they tried to reach you, you should definitely give them a call.
- Get a New Hobby or Develop Yours More
Sometimes, the best way to forget about sorrow is to get busy with something really exciting. If you haven’t had any hobbies before, which is fine since we live in times when people are occupied by work and house chores, now it’s really the time to find one.
There are myriads of wonderful activities you can take up: sports, photography, writing (which is a great therapeutic thing, by the way!), knitting, cooking, etc. You can even enroll in some classes, which will also give you the opportunity to make new friends and make your schedule a bit busier. If you don’t have time or money to spare on any lessons, don’t worry; there are lots of how-to videos and tutorials on YouTube.
Maybe you have always lacked time for doing things you really love. Now, delving into your favorite hobby can become a life-saving technic.
- Go to the Gym
It’s a well-known fact that regular exercise helps us to reduce stress and anxiety levels. The thing is that during physical activity, our body releases endorphins, the so-called hormone of a good mood and happiness.
The best kinds of sports for those seeking to improve their mental well-being are dancing, swimming, aerobics, and kickboxing. Besides, it’s also a chance for you to boost your physical health and shape, which will definitely cheer you up!
But there’s something more to that. Going to the gym means socializing. It’s a good opportunity to meet new people and make new friends. So, if there’s a gym nearby and your health allows you to engage in physical activities, we recommend you enroll as soon as possible!
- Learn New Skills and Try New Things
Our lives would be really boring without a sense of novelty. Of course, it is not a secret that learning new skills facilitates our personal and intellectual growth. But did you know that anything new to you can improve your well-being? New clothes, books, TV shows, and activities really boost even the gloomiest mood. So, if you want to bring back joy to your life, the solution is as easy as pie: discover something new.
Moreover, the latest research shows that learning new things influences our brain functions positively. Even if you taste a new cake flavor or listen to the most recent album of your favorite band, such simple pleasures can improve your brain plasticity. We found this fact quite convincing to try something new right now, don’t you think so?
- Don’t Be Afraid to Reach out to People You Love
Everyone needs support in the darkest moments of their life. Sometimes, a small talk or a message can save someone’s life. If you feel like you cannot bear your feelings on your own, don’t be afraid to ask for help from your friends or family.
The thing is that people may have no idea about how you actually feel unless you share your emotions with them. After all, there is nothing bad about being vulnerable. And it’s always better to go through hard periods of your life when you know that someone’s got your back.
- Consider Going to the Therapy
Unfortunately, a stigma towards getting therapy still exists in the United States and all over the world. The problem is that many people consider asking for help to signify their weakness. In fact, seeking mental health assistance is a great strength and a good sign that an individual is ready to step on the path of healing.
If you feel like you are drowning in your loneliness, guilt, and sorrow, do not hesitate to seek professional aid. A good mental health expert will help you to understand your feelings and emotions better and teach you how to cope with them successfully.
In case you cannot afford to get professional mental health assistance, you can always look for low-cost help in your city or community. Also, consider watching some webinars or videos that will teach you some useful self-help and self-care practices. Remember that your well-being should be your priority during this difficult post-divorce period.
- Have Fun with Your Kids
If you have children, we have good news for you – it means that you are not alone! You’ve got a great team that also needs your attention and support. And, of course, your little ones will gladly share their love and support with you.
First of all, make sure that your kids do not feel guilty or devastated because of the events. When you ensure that your little ones are fine, you can craft plans to spend time together and improve your family’s mood. There are so many exciting things you can do with your children: take up new hobbies, explore the city together, eat ice cream in your favorite mall every Friday, build a tree house in your backyard, etc. Such small things and traditions will help you and your kids to get through this period with less stress.
Of course, no evidence shows that people with kids survive divorce more easily. Moreover, minors are also affected and may need even greater support from you. However, you should always remember that your children are your support and the reason to keep fighting.
Traveling helps us to broaden our horizons and even reassess our life values. It’s also a great way to have a rest both mentally and physically. If you have an opportunity to have a break from your routine, book the tickets to your dream country or city! Getting acquainted with new places and cultures will have a positive impact on your mood and can help you forget all the past events, even if it’s just for a moment.
If you prefer solo travel, it will be an amazing chance not only to reflect on your past experiences but also to discover new places and try new things that you have always dreamed about. But if you only feel comfortable visiting new places in good company, that’s also fine. Call your friends and offer them the next best trip of your lives.
- Do Whatever You Have Always Wanted to Do
This tip may seem a little bit vague to you, but, in fact, it’s the best advice you can get. Of course, being alone may seem devastating. But it’s also the time for great changes in all spheres of your life. Maybe, before the divorce, you were constantly limited in your choices and plans. Now, it’s your life and your choices! After all, the only person who can tell you what to do is YOU. Isn’t it amazing?
Trying at least some of these tips will help you understand how to live alone after divorce, accept the situation, and, of course, improve your well-being!
Start a New Life
Divorce is often viewed as the end of the world. Sometimes, it is truly so because you have to rearrange your life completely. But why don’t you view this period as an opportunity for a fresh start? It’s time for new acquaintances, hobbies, and experiences!
If you constantly ask this one question, “Will I be alone forever after divorce?”, the answer is no. Of course, unless this is what you want. When you feel that you are ready to open up to someone else, you will meet a person who wins your heart.
You can surely get advice on how to emotionally get through a divorce, but the truth is that everyone finds their own ways to mend their broken heart and soul. Indeed, coping with loneliness after divorce is a hard task, but with good support and a well-crafted plan, you can go through this period successfully and start enjoying your life again.